The Power of Love

Posted by Stella Perez on March 25, 2012 · Leave a Comment

By Rev. Dr. David Alicea, UCC Paradise Hills
     Imagine…
     You and your ten year old daughter, after years of struggling through life, find yourselves on the streets, going from shelter to shelter, church to church, door to door with little success.  Homelessness for you is both a situation, a physical reality, and a condition, an emotional affliction of the spirit, soul and body – your worst fear come true; an incomprehensible crumbling of your daughter’s life.
     Or…
     You’re a recent widower whose wife passed away last month after enduring weeks of excruciating pain.  Your heart has lost its home, your spirit its hope.  You spend your days in her old brown recliner, your wedding picture in your hand.  Two of your friends are also wrestling with a sense of “homelessness.”  Divorce left one anchorless; he bar hops aimlessly.  The other’s son, her only child, lost in drugs, has sent her life reeling and brought constant trouble into her once peaceful life.  She dreads every knock on the door, a knock her son would be too stoned to hear.  While both have places to live, buildings to call “home,”  they, too, have seen what they hold dear disintegrate before their eyes.  Dealing with loss, their emotions run rampant as a flood of questions without answers assail them.  They find themselves homeless in heart and spirit.
     These stories could be yours or those of someone you love.
     Dealing with loss can plunge us into a time of crisis, of searching frantically, often fruitlessly for answers or, lacking the will to search, of not knowing where to turn or how to find within ourselves the energy or the spirit to continue.
     When life deals a bad hand it may seem like the end and yet, even at its toughest, life offers lessons that can bring out the best in people – and reminds them that new beginnings are possible through the power of love.  Love can be the key to open new doors.  It can be the energy to start anew.  It can be the force that brings hope to the heart.
     Love can be the catalyst to see beyond our limitations.  Love can heal our pain and sorrows.  It can help us believe in people, to open our arms to new possibilities.  It can bring the spirit of life, a new song and a new vision of life.   Love can be the redeeming power for salvation, empowering people to forgive as they liberate themselves from the poisons of bias and trauma.
     Metaphorically, those whose stories are told above represent innocence lost or betrayed and every heart which struggles with finding its place in life.   It is only through the power of love that solace and completion can be found, allowing strugglers, the lost and the betrayed alike to dare to be all they can, to do all they are capable of.
     With these stories in mind, I invite you to celebrate with me the joy love brings to life as it challenges us to be who we really are and to look at life knowing that it is not about what we get, but what we share.  Let us celebrate that it’s not just how much people love us, but also how much we love those God places along the paths of our lives.  Let us rejoice together and celebrate the truth of love that embraces all, no matter who and what, and seeks to unify, to bring light into the darkest places and to reveal God’s gift of the strength and daring to be fully ourselves, our very best selves!
     If you are “homeless” today, walking through life with concerns and worries, know that here in the house we call the United Church of Christ a family awaits, a family offering comfort, understanding, acceptance and love – a love which respects hearts and innocence and shares the word of a God who is still speaking, still working with us.  Whatever challenges you have, whatever you have been through, love, God and a warm welcome await you.

Builder or Wrecker?

By Rev. Dr. David Alicea, UCC of Paradise Hills
     It was 1989 when Hurricane Hugo descended upon Puerto Rico, battering the island with gusty winds upward of 105 mph.   As pastor of the Christian Church (Disciples of Christ) in Manati, a small city now considered the Athens of Puerto Rico thanks to its innovative industrial and home development, I had organized a team to help our members prepare for such devastation and to reach out to neighbors in need of assistance.  As Hugo drew near I approached a neighbor setting up his shutter windows, described our project and volunteered to help him.  He agreed, handing me a hammer and nails.  That’s when the trouble started.
     First of all, my shutter was upside down.  I didn’t even know they had up and down sides!  Then I had trouble figuring out which shutter fit which window.   And, worst of all, I had to nail the things into the wall.   I tried, hitting everything except the window, shutter or nail.  What a mess!  That’s when my neighbor said, “Reverend, stick to preaching!  The hurricane would do less damage!”  We remained friends but every time we met he would tease me with, “Remember the shutters!”  It was an experience I have worked hard to forget – but can’t!
     It is not easy to build something, to meld creativity with environmental concerns.  With that in mind, I have been seeking to understand Nehemiah, who rebuilt the city of Jerusalem. Nehemiah was an excellent planner, a most important talent when building.  He, of course, was not building from the ground up.  He was “rebuilding” and that’s a different ball game.  The foundation was already established. And, to make matters worse, trouble and confrontation were always near to fossilize progress. Nehemiah had a big question to answer:  Am I a builder or a wrecker?
     For us the key question is, “How can I rebuild the city of which I am a part?”  I offer a few hints based on Nehemiah and his work in Jerusalem.  First, thinking of Nehemiah, understand that what is being rebuilt is a city.   To rebuild our city, the United Church of Christ, we need to consider a number of important elements, among them people of many racial, cultural and ethnic backgrounds whose theological, sexual and social perspectives vary greatly.  Our city must be inclusive and diverse.  Our city must embrace everybody, must provide space for growth, must represent everybody’s contribution, must be free of walls.
     The second hint is that Nehemiah started rebuilding the city by setting up locked and fortified doors.  This I consider to be a major flaw, while understanding that within the historical context of his time a city protected by fortified gates was necessary.  Our city, however, does not need fortified doors.  Closed doors both keep things out and keep things in.  A city with closed doors is a city condemned to die.  Our communities have suffered and are still undergoing a “demographic mutation” of great proportions.  If we do not recognize and deal with such change, we are rebuilding on the basis of segregation and bias, which determine who may open and close the door.  Closed doors would turn our city into a country club, a place for the elite and the powerful. My beloved family, we don’t need that!
     My final hint is that our city must be free to reinvent and renovate our theological, cultural and social standards AND our statement of faith and way of conducting ministry.  Why?  Other cities are also experiencing growth.  Islam, for example, is now absorbing some Christian tenets as it reshapes itself.  Mega-Churches are beginning to suffer what they once criticized, becoming “Institutionalized Religion” as they seek to deal with decreasing attendance.  People have realized that personal interaction is important and yet our traditional historical churches are not being inundated in the wake of the mega-church exodus.  Many who leave are, instead, forming groups at home and hiring retired ministers for the implementation of the Sacraments.  Their tithes and offerings are sent to non-profit organizations helping the communities in which they live.
     Change is in the air!  Our UCC churches are coming to a significant crossroad.  I encourage every man and woman in ministry, every lay leader and the members of every congregation to meet within your associations with this in mind, moving beyond the walls of your own church to enter into a more diverse experience of faith.  Let us embrace doing ministry together.  Let us worship together and study scripture together, rotating meeting places.  Let us deal with our community’s needs as a team of churches, each contributing from our resources to “make a whole.”   Let us sing together, pray together, work together.  And, in this way, let us rebuild our city, the United Church of Christ, embracing our differences, abandoning pride and casting away whatever distances us one from the other.  And, as we rebuild our city, let us start looking at each other knowing that we are one in the Spirit, one in Christ and one at the table of God.
     Recognizing that such change is not for the contemplative or for Christians in eternal vacation mode, our church must move forward to rebuild a city that represents our people’s needs.  It also needs to open its spiritual ears in order to understand and accept God’s will.  What God wants us to do is paramount!  To that end, each of us should start by answering the basic question, “Am I a builder or a wrecker?”  The following poem by an unknown author, may help you answer that question.,

 A Builder or a Wrecker*

As I watched them tear a building down
A gang of men in a busy town
With a ho-heave-ho, and a lusty yell
They swung a beam and the side wall fell.

I asked the foreman, “Are these men skilled,
And the men you’d hire if you wanted to build?”
He gave a laugh and said, “No, indeed,
Just common labor is all I need.”

“I can easily wreck in a day or two,
What builders have taken years to do.”
And I thought to myself, as I went my way
Which of these roles have I tried to play?

Am I a builder who works with care,
Measuring life by rule and square?
Am I shaping my work to a well-made plan
Patiently doing the best I can?

Or am I a wrecker who walks to town
Content with the labor of tearing down?
“O Lord let my life and my labors be
That which will build for eternity!”

     I hope I find you soon at the foot of the walls as we rebuild our city.   God bless!

Letting Go!

In Halakhic Man, a classic work of Jewish and religious thought, Rabbi Joseph Solovectchik explores the human quest to fuse transcendence with immanence…to know God as fully present in the world. In doing so, he emphasizes the relevance and significance of the halakha, the fulfillment and study of Judaic law, while railing against Antinomianism, the belief that “moral law is of no use or obligation because faith alone is necessary to salvation.[1]”  Halakhic man has learned that God’s commands are points of contact to bridge the gap between God, who loves us unconditionally and desires to relate to us, and humanity, which needs to learn more of God. Whatever their beliefs and values, all who take this journey seek spiritual growth while finding ways to embrace the transcendent in order to make sense of immanence.

Richard Weaver once said that “every man participating in a culture has three levels of conscious reflection:  his specific ideas about things, his general beliefs or convictions and his metaphysical dreams.” Humanity has a need – and the fervent desire - to meld the finite with the infinite so that we may make sense of our existence.  To have meaning in life is essential, from both a theological and a cultural perspective, which may explain the resurgent interest in Richard Niebuhr’s theological approach to culture, despite the ironical tone of his writings.

The adventure some call “spiritual growth,” some “self-development” and others “integration of our existence,” represents our human desire for and movement toward spiritual nurturing.  The bottom line is that we all have a need to redefine our walks in life and to discover the significance of “becoming you.”  If approached from a single perspective or philosophical stand we soon discover this to be a disservice not only to the truth but to humanity. We need to approach spiritual growth from a variety of religious perspectives, among them Hinduism, Islam, Judeo-Christian, Confucianism and Roman Catholicism. I would add, as well, secular a perspective based on Psychology’s contribution to human endeavor and a poetic touch from Melody Beattie and her co-dependency expertise.

This syncretism of thoughts and ideas led me to compile a list of ways to enhance spiritual and emotional growth. Stated simply, the first step to growth is “letting go.”  But of what?  I suggest that the answer is “whatever impedes or fossilizes your walk in life.” The Apostle Paul in Philippians 3:13, put it this way:  “Forgetting what lies behind but straining forward to what lies ahead.”  Hard to move forward until you forget what lies behind!

Confucius said, “To love a thing means wanting it to live;” psychologist Mary Oliver, “To live in this world, you must be able to do three things: to love what is mortal, to hold it against your bones knowing your own life depends on it; and, when the time comes to let it go.”  The Islamic position on letting go is based on: “And Allah wants to lighten for you [your difficulties]; and mankind was created weak.” (Qur’an, 4:28).  From a Hindu perspective all this is easier said than done. It includes not looking down on those you consider "spiritually inferior" because of their lesser attainments or different beliefs. It also includes awareness of, rather than denial of, those aspects of self you consider less than admirable (from Hindu teachings on letting go of ego attachments).  Every religious group seems to emphasize in letting go as an initial step toward spiritual growth.  

With that in mind, I offer for your consideration the following “ten ways of letting go:” (Does this mean that there are only ten ways in doing so?  Not at all! I encourage you to share other steps that have worked for you in letting go, as well as meeting other challenges in seeking spiritual growth.)

1. Honor your memories:  Forgetting the past is an impossible task.  Rather than try, we should come to terms with our memories, especially those which are negative and destructive.  How do we do that?   By dwelling in our good memories.  Remember the good in you, the positive things you have experienced, the moments where love, hope and faith were essential in your life. In doing so you will filter the negative that pre-conditions you to failure, guilt and shame.  Write, paint and talk about those positive memories and how they empower you with inner strength and acceptance of self.

2. Identify Painful Feelings: When honoring your positive memories remember to identify those negative feelings – which may be disguised as discomfort, depression and dismay.  Identify them so you can learn why you feel that way.  It is important to analyze the facts – the causes of these feelings rather than the emotional turmoil they create. When you learn to read them from an analytical rather than an emotional viewpoint, it will be easier to forgive yourself – and others. We all make mistakes, we all fall down, we all say and do things we regret, but we recover by identifying the roots of our discomfort and forgiving ourselves in the process. If there are other people involved, it may be an excellent moment to ask for their forgiveness or forgive them. John 8:32 says: “And you shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free.”

3. Swallow Your Pride: Another great step in letting go is swallowing your pride. Confucius said: “The superior man has a dignified ease without pride. The mean man has pride without a dignified ease.” I believe that sometimes you win in life when you lose. Pride is a necessary emotion in life.  Well balanced it will bring comfort and satisfaction for a job well done.  It becomes, however, a heavy burden when it gets in between people and their will to overcome.  Peace will embrace you when you learn how to lose certain battles in life, in order to win the emotional war. Remember what Jesus said: “He who seeks to save his life will lose it, but he who loses his life shall save it.”  Swallow your pride!

4.    Take Responsibility: I don’t believe God is seeking for perfect people.  Jesus told the Samaritan women, “God is seeking worshippers in spirit and in truth.”  This means that although we live in a world dominated by self- and instant gratification and the idea that “it’s everybody’s fault except mine,” we need to take responsibility!  Learn how to say “I don’t know!”  Or “it was my fault!” When we are angry we tend to blame others for our dismay and trouble, to point fingers and “throw rocks” at others.  I believe the greatest miracle in the Bible came when Jesus scolded those accusing the women caught in adultery - not the writing on the sand or his discourse but the SOUND of the rocks that started falling off their hands. It was the noise of “taking responsibility” for one’s faults and of embracing the idea of: “lesson learned…let’s move on.”  LET GO OF THAT ROCK!

5.    Learn How to Say No!  For me this is the tough one.  Reading Melodie Beattie’s latest book, The Language of letting Go, I learned how co-dependent I am in this area. Beattie says: “The Co-dependents feel for so much because people around them felt responsible for so little; they were just taking up the slack!”  Co-dependency was defined by the author as: a person who has let another person’s behavior affect him or her and who is obsessed with controlling that person’s behavior.”  How does this relate to learning how to say no?  Those who cannot say no, surrender their will to the other person! A long-time pastor, I see this all too often in other pastors, see them heading for burnout.  As pastors we need to be there for our people, we need to embrace our ministry with seriousness and integrity, we need to be reachable and sensitive, but that does not mean we need to be dancing monkeys pulling out our hats to every by-stander every time the church plays the tune. We need to learn how to say no! When we do so, we are recognizing and understanding our limitations: (My favorite Clint Eastwood’s quote: “Man has to know his limitations!”).