In Halakhic Man, a classic work of Jewish and religious thought, Rabbi Joseph Solovectchik explores the human quest to fuse transcendence with immanence…to know God as fully present in the world. In doing so, he emphasizes the relevance and significance of the halakha, the fulfillment and study of Judaic law, while railing against Antinomianism, the belief that “moral law is of no use or obligation because faith alone is necessary to salvation.[1]” Halakhic man has learned that God’s commands are points of contact to bridge the gap between God, who loves us unconditionally and desires to relate to us, and humanity, which needs to learn more of God. Whatever their beliefs and values, all who take this journey seek spiritual growth while finding ways to embrace the transcendent in order to make sense of immanence.
Richard Weaver once said that “every man participating in a culture has three levels of conscious reflection: his specific ideas about things, his general beliefs or convictions and his metaphysical dreams.” Humanity has a need – and the fervent desire - to meld the finite with the infinite so that we may make sense of our existence. To have meaning in life is essential, from both a theological and a cultural perspective, which may explain the resurgent interest in Richard Niebuhr’s theological approach to culture, despite the ironical tone of his writings.
The adventure some call “spiritual growth,” some “self-development” and others “integration of our existence,” represents our human desire for and movement toward spiritual nurturing. The bottom line is that we all have a need to redefine our walks in life and to discover the significance of “becoming you.” If approached from a single perspective or philosophical stand we soon discover this to be a disservice not only to the truth but to humanity. We need to approach spiritual growth from a variety of religious perspectives, among them Hinduism, Islam, Judeo-Christian, Confucianism and Roman Catholicism. I would add, as well, secular a perspective based on Psychology’s contribution to human endeavor and a poetic touch from Melody Beattie and her co-dependency expertise.
This syncretism of thoughts and ideas led me to compile a list of ways to enhance spiritual and emotional growth. Stated simply, the first step to growth is “letting go.” But of what? I suggest that the answer is “whatever impedes or fossilizes your walk in life.” The Apostle Paul in Philippians 3:13, put it this way: “Forgetting what lies behind but straining forward to what lies ahead.” Hard to move forward until you forget what lies behind!
Confucius said, “To love a thing means wanting it to live;” psychologist Mary Oliver, “To live in this world, you must be able to do three things: to love what is mortal, to hold it against your bones knowing your own life depends on it; and, when the time comes to let it go.” The Islamic position on letting go is based on: “And Allah wants to lighten for you [your difficulties]; and mankind was created weak.” (Qur’an, 4:28). From a Hindu perspective all this is easier said than done. It includes not looking down on those you consider "spiritually inferior" because of their lesser attainments or different beliefs. It also includes awareness of, rather than denial of, those aspects of self you consider less than admirable (from Hindu teachings on letting go of ego attachments). Every religious group seems to emphasize in letting go as an initial step toward spiritual growth.
With that in mind, I offer for your consideration the following “ten ways of letting go:” (Does this mean that there are only ten ways in doing so? Not at all! I encourage you to share other steps that have worked for you in letting go, as well as meeting other challenges in seeking spiritual growth.)
1. Honor your memories: Forgetting the past is an impossible task. Rather than try, we should come to terms with our memories, especially those which are negative and destructive. How do we do that? By dwelling in our good memories. Remember the good in you, the positive things you have experienced, the moments where love, hope and faith were essential in your life. In doing so you will filter the negative that pre-conditions you to failure, guilt and shame. Write, paint and talk about those positive memories and how they empower you with inner strength and acceptance of self.
2. Identify Painful Feelings: When honoring your positive memories remember to identify those negative feelings – which may be disguised as discomfort, depression and dismay. Identify them so you can learn why you feel that way. It is important to analyze the facts – the causes of these feelings rather than the emotional turmoil they create. When you learn to read them from an analytical rather than an emotional viewpoint, it will be easier to forgive yourself – and others. We all make mistakes, we all fall down, we all say and do things we regret, but we recover by identifying the roots of our discomfort and forgiving ourselves in the process. If there are other people involved, it may be an excellent moment to ask for their forgiveness or forgive them. John 8:32 says: “And you shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free.”
3. Swallow Your Pride: Another great step in letting go is swallowing your pride. Confucius said: “The superior man has a dignified ease without pride. The mean man has pride without a dignified ease.” I believe that sometimes you win in life when you lose. Pride is a necessary emotion in life. Well balanced it will bring comfort and satisfaction for a job well done. It becomes, however, a heavy burden when it gets in between people and their will to overcome. Peace will embrace you when you learn how to lose certain battles in life, in order to win the emotional war. Remember what Jesus said: “He who seeks to save his life will lose it, but he who loses his life shall save it.” Swallow your pride!
4. Take Responsibility: I don’t believe God is seeking for perfect people. Jesus told the Samaritan women, “God is seeking worshippers in spirit and in truth.” This means that although we live in a world dominated by self- and instant gratification and the idea that “it’s everybody’s fault except mine,” we need to take responsibility! Learn how to say “I don’t know!” Or “it was my fault!” When we are angry we tend to blame others for our dismay and trouble, to point fingers and “throw rocks” at others. I believe the greatest miracle in the Bible came when Jesus scolded those accusing the women caught in adultery - not the writing on the sand or his discourse but the SOUND of the rocks that started falling off their hands. It was the noise of “taking responsibility” for one’s faults and of embracing the idea of: “lesson learned…let’s move on.” LET GO OF THAT ROCK!
5. Learn How to Say No! For me this is the tough one. Reading Melodie Beattie’s latest book, The Language of letting Go, I learned how co-dependent I am in this area. Beattie says: “The Co-dependents feel for so much because people around them felt responsible for so little; they were just taking up the slack!” Co-dependency was defined by the author as: a person who has let another person’s behavior affect him or her and who is obsessed with controlling that person’s behavior.” How does this relate to learning how to say no? Those who cannot say no, surrender their will to the other person! A long-time pastor, I see this all too often in other pastors, see them heading for burnout. As pastors we need to be there for our people, we need to embrace our ministry with seriousness and integrity, we need to be reachable and sensitive, but that does not mean we need to be dancing monkeys pulling out our hats to every by-stander every time the church plays the tune. We need to learn how to say no! When we do so, we are recognizing and understanding our limitations: (My favorite Clint Eastwood’s quote: “Man has to know his limitations!”).
